The above phrase may paint a picture in your mind of college clichés: drunken toga parties, stacks of empty pizza boxes, or playing frisbee in the mall. Somehow this doesn’t resonate with Gustavus.

Sure, we play frisbee and gorge on Godfather’s once in a while (R.I.P. PJ’s), but when it comes to toga parties, Gustavus’s rank as the 20th most sober school in the country essentially writes that off. We are far too classy for that. Gustavus walks more along the chipper Gustie Gear-wearing, book-toting, student involvement line.

My grandma’s vision of the college experience is a bit different. She sent me a card with ten dollars and, from what I deciphered in her spidery cursive penmanship, she wished me luck on my school year and told me to “find a good husband—that’s what college is all about.”

Uh … yeah. Thanks, Grammaw. I guess she didn’t get the memo that sexism has been out for almost forty years. Gustavus isn’t a “husband-finding” school; we aren’t from St. Thomas, after all.

The females of our student population aren’t exactly Barbies looking for their Kens. Maybe I should cut Grammaw some slack, though. Her only pop-cultural insights come from religiously following The Price is Right and Judge Judy.

We may not know what the Gustavus college experience is, a work in progress so to speak, but we do know that an essential component of it is the first-year orientation’s “Square Dance,” a nostalgic night for finding your future husband or wife while do-se-do-ing around bales of hay in a parking lot.

This playful fable is for fun rather than for “finding a good husband.” Students aren’t exactly going to consider that sweaty, over-excited cowboy or cowgirl stepping on their feet to be marriage material.

The lopsided gender ratio means a surplus of female students, resulting in many cowgirl dance couples. I danced with my roommate at the square dance. Sorry, Grammaw, not gonna find a good husband there. But I did have a great time and met a lot of amazing people. The Square Dance is not only a Gustie tradition, but a foundation for our four years here.

Besides fostering our bubble of campus community, Gusties are way too involved to be … involved. No offense, Grammaw, but I don’t really have time to chase down a husband. Too busy with class, studying, finding myself, etc. Maybe she saw College Prowler’s very generous A grade for Gustie male attractiveness (and girls get only a B+? WTF.)

I’m running on caffeine and Sharpie fumes most days, hoping to get five or six hours of sleep a night. Most students here are the type to roll out of bed after a late night of paper-writing, have a shower (hopefully) and throw on those old Gustie sweatpants pulled from the dirty clothes basket. Febreze those bad boys and you’re good to go. Bonus points if you show up to class still dripping wet from your shower. That’s husband material right there.

So, what is the Gustavus college experience? Take a look around campus. With every lukewarm meal in the Caf we are reminded of the Gustavus pillars. With every Involvement Fair we are harassed into signing up in lieu of saying no, and we overcommit because everything just looks so fun. Greeters practically foam at the mouth during orientation. We look rough because we care.  Gusties ooze black and gold because we love it here.

Articles last week by Jenna Chapman, Drew Ajer and Nick Prince addressed sexism, tolerance and the infinitely liberal state of Gustavus. The combination of these three adds up to the perfect solution: the Gustavus college experience, comprised of collective, tolerant left-minders in a climate where excellence is a necessity, and is strived for equally by both male and female students.

So to Grammaw I say, thanks but no thanks. Happy Family Weekend!