No, I don’t want to see your butt. Thanks anyway.

I walk around campus and am surrounded by butts. Butts in jeans, butts in skirts, butts in sweatpants. Butts everywhere!

Normally I don’t mind a good back-side, some god blessed as more visually appealing than others. (I’m thinking about you, James Franco. Swoon!) What I don’t appreciate is the blatant misuse among ladies of the comfortable and versatile clothing item known as leggings.

That being said, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.

Ever heard of the saying, “Why buy the whole pie when you can get a slice for free?” Yup, that’s basically what you are doing when you choose to expose your behind to all the world through the guise of leggings.

Let’s look at a sad yet common fashion offense:

On the feet we have Uggs, which, despite most people claiming to be ugly, are still worn. Nothing like a good cankle (calf + ankle) shape to be further emphasized by the following clothing item, the legging itself. Standard color being black, this long-underwear doppelganger is also skin tight. For a top we have a black Gustavus sweatshirt, falling at the waist, resting right on top of the bum that is so effortlessly accentuated. Add a side bang and one of those teat-like water bottles (Seriously, what is the obsession with those things? Freud would have a field day!) and you have a perfect model of one in five girls to be found in the Jackson Campus Center.

There is nothing wrong with Gustie gear, and there is nothing wrong with teat water bottles if you’re into that, but I do have a problem when I am forced to confront a backside I don’t necessarily want to witness.

The fault of leggings is that they suck to your legs, hugging every curve, creating a second cotton/spandex skin. This isn’t really a fault, per se, if you wear something over the leggings, say, a dress or skirt, or if you’re wearing leggings to ameliorate clothing bunching during exercise. And I can understand why you would think leggings as pants would be a good idea. They are comfy, stretchy, don’t need to be adjusted every time you stand up like the ill-fitting jeans all us ladies seem to wear, and come in a variety of colors, textures and lengths.

It is a fault when that is the only form of clothing worn below your waist (besides underwear … I hope).

Some might use the excuse that they are confident with their bodies and don’t mind showing it off. Well, I—and I am sure many others—have a problem with it, so cover up. I happen to think the area right above my belly-button is really good-looking, but I don’t walk around in a tube top every day. If you like your body (which is great and important. Yay womanhood!), I would think you’d want to respect yourself enough to want to share that special-ness with special people, not everyone in the Market Place.

If you’re not purposely wearing leggings sans covering to draw attention to yourself, you are. You may not realize it, so listen up. I don’t claim to know much about men, but I would think that if you’re showing the goods in public, they’re not going to be that interested in you showing the goods in private or getting to know you so they can eventually see the goods in private. There it is, a free show! No need to work for it.

My friend and I joke about making fashion victim cards to inform people of their style transgressions, and I bet if our plan were to come to fruition about half of the cards would go to those who wear leggings as pants. Let this be a fair warning: When in public, leggings equate to pants? No!

Thus, cover yourselves so your bums don’t show.