The feelings have been getting stronger no matter what I do. The last few weeks have grown simply unbearable. I wake up with sweaty palms, a palpitating heart and abstract, poetic lyrics swirling around in my head with no means of escape. I’ve been in denial long enough, and I can’t lie to myself any longer.
Diary, I think I’m in love with singer/songwriter Regina Spektor.
I know it sounds crazy. I mean, I never thought I liked the whole “Alternative, Indie-Rock” scene. That’s not who I am! Well, at least I thought that’s not who I was. Golly, I don’t even know anymore!
I’m so scared, Diary, what does this mean? I’ve been a straight-up Ben Folds, Coldplay, Jason Mraz, Maroon 5 girl most of my life. I mean, sure I flirted around with the idea of Sheryl Crow and Melissa Etheridge a couple of times, and when I was in college I “experimented” with the Imogen Heap CD Speak For Yourself. And yes, I listened to Enya whilst enjoying a long, hot bubble bath. Who doesn’t?
But this is different; this is stronger. When I picture my life in the next ten years, I don’t see any of those other artists on my shelf or in my iTunes library. I somehow instinctively feel they are passing fads. Yet I can see myself with Regina posters hanging on my wall even when I turn thirty. Sometimes during class I daydream about settling down and raising my kids on Regina’s catchy, anti-folk beats. I am thinking about kids here! Even when I was head-over-heels for Howie Day back in ’04, I never saw it lasting long-term. And looking back, I knew at the time that James Blunt’s song “You’re Beautiful” was a one-hit wonder. But Regina’s got me thinking about the future.
Oh man, what will my parents say? They raised me on their favorites like Elvis, the Beatles and The Who. How could this have happened, they’ll ask themselves.
Oh but Diary, how can anyone NOT love Regina? She writes all of her own songs and lyrics, she’s got gorgeously curly hair, and her outfits are all so funky. She’s everything a modern musician should be, but never is. Plus, she’s so interesting! She’s a Russian Jew from Soviet Moscow, and she’s only 28! And did you know that she has pioneered a vocal technique called the “Glottal Stop”? And her videos are horrifyingly addicting; I think I’ve watched “Fidelity” about twenty times already.
Feist and Bjork have nothing on this chick.
Last night I was hanging in my Southwest suite, listening to an old mixed CD. A song by Cherry Poppin’ Daddies came on. But I used to love this group when I was a teenager … or at least I thought I loved them. Looking back, I wonder if I just listened to them because all of the other girls did. But now it did nothing for me, Diary. Nothing. I wanted so badly to feel that way again; I replayed the song over and over. I made myself listen to it. It was horrible. The whole time all I could hear was Regina singing, “Hey remember that time … ?” and smiling at me with her enormous, inviting lips. Finally I went to the bathroom and cried, I felt so dirty.
But then, as if it were planned, another old favorite came on. The 98° song, “True to Your Heart” began to play, and Nick Lachey’s poppy 1998 voice washed over me like a cleansing life-force. He’s right, I must be true to my heart! I realized that having a wide musical variety and taste is not sinful; listening to music I don’t love is the real sin. I’m a person with multiple dimensions, and maybe it’s OK if my musical preferences don’t fit neatly into one single genre, like punk or pop or jazz or hip-hop. Sure it’s scary and new, but it’s also authentic and honest.
So from now on, Diary, I will be honest with myself. Maybe I will list Regina under “My Favorite Music.” I guess you can call me a Regina fan. Or should I say, a “Spektor-tator”? Hehe … hehehe … ouch. What a horrible attempt at humor. Well, at least some things about me will never change.