* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the list of reasons the GOP are fighting Obamacare. Pretty reasonable, if you ask me.
Friday, Oct. 11
LineUs Show: Alumni Hall 7 p.m.
Last week was the alumni show. This week the new members are introduced . . . IT’S THE CIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIIFE!
Weekend Movie:Monsters University: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 & 10 p.m.
I didn’t get accepted to that college
Playing Your Way to Language Fluency: Culpeper Language Center 7:30 p.m.
Not to be confused with “Paying Your Way to Language Fluency,” which involves covering up the academic honor code in your French professor’s office with a crisp $50 bill.
Drag Show 2013: The Caf 8 p.m.
The sweat and glitter at this event is only rivaled by a Ke$ha concert.
Saturday, Oct. 12
Fall Fest: The Arb 11 a.m.
A simple celebration of clumsy kids.
Family Weekend Trivia: Courtyard Café 1:30 p.m.
Nothing brings the family together more than a heated discussion of which poet the guys from Patty’s are talking about.
Weekend Movie: Monsters University: Wallenberg Auditorium 3, 7 & 10 p.m.
I wonder if they show the time Sulley got a minor.
Family Weekend: Murder Mystery Dinner: Alumni Hall 6:30 p.m.
Because it is a Family Weekend event, I bet it’ll be a “home”icide.
Sunday, Oct. 13
Weekend Movie: Monsters University: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.
Did they need to go to college to learn how to scare kids? Sounds like a waste of money to me.
Tuesday, Oct. 15
Teachers Talking Technology: Heritage Banquet Room 11:30 a.m.
Will someone from GTS be there to inevitably help them plug in their computers?
Physics Seminar: Olin 220 7:30 p.m.
I bet this will be highly attended by humanities majors.
Wednesday, Oct. 16
Peril in the Ponds: Deformed Frogs, Politics, and a Biologist’s Quest: Olin 103 7 a.m.
About damn time! That deformed frog, Kermit, has been running around for far too long.
Gustie Breakfast – President Jack Ohle: American Swedish Institute 7:30 a.m.
THEY ARE EATING PRESIDENT OHLE?
Teachers Talking Writing: Culpeper Language Center 10:30 a.m.
Does that make students writing talking?
Thursday, Oct. 17
Up Your Understanding: Culpeper Language Center 5 p.m.
Not to be mistaken for the confusion seminar, “Up Yours, Understanding.”
Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes
Aries: Like my old computer, the government shutdown also takes forever to start up.
Taurus: I really hope the professor announces spoiler alerts when we discuss Hamlet.
Gemini: I’ve seen the face of the devil, and it looks a lot like Facebook game invites.
Cancer: It’ll always be Camp Snoopy, and it’ll always be Econo . . . YOU CAN’T TAKE AWAY MEMORIES, CORPORATE AMERICA.
Leo: Google +, just stop already.
Virgo: Gravity might have less gravity in it than any film I have ever seen.
Libra: I think the plot of the next Pirates of the Caribbean revolves around Jack Sparrow downloading Metallica albums.
Scorpio: House of Cards is the least realistic television show ever: Congress doesn’t actually get things done.
Sagittarius: Weirdly enough, Mitt Romney seems like the true winner of the 2012 election.
Capricorn: You might not mind most of the decor in your dorm, but your roommate’s sexy Rutherford B. Hayes poster might be one too far.
Aquarius: How many members of Congress will be “retiring” at the end of their terms?
Pisces: Rand McNally must be a money laundering front. There is no way a map company makes it in the GPS age.