The Gustavian Weekly

Calender (9/6/2013)

By Justin Feit Calendar Editor | September 6, 2013 | Calendar

The Bookmark got the best of Manspider this year.

The Bookmark got the best of Manspider this year.

* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the lyrics of the radio edit of NWA’s “F@#$ tha Police.” They really tame that song down.

Friday, Sept. 6

Title IX Training for New Faculty: Jackson Campus Center 2:30 p.m.

Who will conduct this discussion about misconduct?

Weekend Movie: The PurgeThe Arb 9 p.m.

Lying about the quality of this movie is Purge-ry.

First Dive of the Year: The Dive 11 p.m.

All of the sweat on the walls is Jesus’ tears.

Saturday, Sept. 7

Weekend Movie: The PurgeWallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

If this movie is too scary, I will purge my pants.

Sunday, Sept. 8

Weekend Movie: The PurgeWallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.

Ethan Hawke is my favorite actor with a bird name that has a silent “e.”

Monday, Sept. 9

Yoga with Brenda Haugen: Lund 224 11:40 a.m.

Brenda is making a strong push for Lund supremecy this year.

Tuesday, Sept. 10

Cardio Mix with Brenda Haugen: Lund 224 6:30 a.m.

6:30?! Brenda is a go-getter if I’ve ever seen one. She’s awesome!

Foreign Language Equivalency Exams: Vickner 108 2:30 p.m.

Slowly rebuilding the Tower of Babel one equivalency exam at a time.

Wednesday, Sept. 11

Bootcamp with Brenda Haugen: Lund 224 11:40 a.m.

SOMEBODY STOP BRENDA AND HER F@#$ING MONOPOLY ALREADY!

Thursday, Sept. 12

Teachers Talking: St. Peter Room 11:30 a.m.

Laryngitis is the true enemy of this event.

First Year Athlete Ice Cream Social: The Dive 7:30 p.m.

And then back to Lund. Those calories aren’t going to burn themselves.

Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes

Aries: Billy Ray Cyrus must have an “Achy Breaky Heart” after watching his daughter with that foam finger.

Taurus: CNN has had a lot of“Syria-l”to chew on lately.

Gemini: It might be worth trying to drop any class that gives you homework.

Cancer: I can’t believe I wasn’t cast in Fifty Shades of Grey. . . :(

Leo: Bravo is going to pick up your Paul Granlund reality show called BRONZE any day now.

Virgo: Doctors have been weirdly urging me to cut Kevin Bacon out of my life.

Libra: I would buy the s@#$ out of “Mike English Muffins.”

Scorpio: Gustavus Fun Fact: Don’t worry about homework and tests—your GPA is predetermined based on your student ID number!

Sagittarius: Apple has seriously taken over the campus. I mean, we have a chaplain named Siri.

Capricorn: Ohle’s dancing during Orientation was that of a man with nothing to lose.

Aquarius: Mumford’s commitment to his family is inspring.

Pisces: You think Gus is just a mascot, huh? Go to the fourth floor of Beck and then get back to me.

1 Comment

Comments are the sole opinion of the visitor who submitted the comment and do not necessarily reflect the views of the author of the article, its editors, or The Gustavian Weekly or Gustavus Adolphus College as a whole.

  1. boxing exercises says:

    Brenda is great

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