The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but they actually kind of are. I mean, they hired me, a known wildcard, in the first place.
Friday, Nov. 16
Exemplary Leadership – Privilege in Leadership: Beck 119 2:30 p.m.
I’m guessing Kim Jong Il never went to this.
The 2012 Theatre Gallery The Edge of Our Bodies & At Risk: The Black Box Theatre 7-10 p.m.
Usually when looking at the edge of someone’s body, you are taking a big risk.
Weekend Movie: The Campaign: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 p.m.
Will Ferrell ought to win a lifetime achievement award for playing the same character in all of his movies.
Saturday, Nov. 17
The Gustavus Wind Orchestra & Vasa Wind Orchestra Fall Concert: Bjorling Recital Hall 1:30 p.m.
They are far too long-winded for me to listen to them.
Weekend Movie: The Campaign: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 p.m.
Ever since the election Mitt Romney can’t get through this movie without hysterically sobbing.
Sunday, Nov. 18
Weekend Movie: The Campaign: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.
C’mon, CAB, Weekly readers are tired of reading election jokes.
The Fall Woodwind Chamber Concert: Bjorling Recital Hall 7:30 p.m.
This concert will be done bassooner or later.
Monday, Nov. 19
Dishin’ with the Deans: Olin 319 9 a.m.
Dean of Sciences and Education Darrin Good is a bearcat if he doesn’t get to carve the turkey.
Tuesday, Nov. 20
Phillips Scholarship Meeting: Diversity Center 5:30 p.m.
After succumbing to Give to Gustavus Day, the naïve students who pitched all of their pennies outside the Caf need to go to this.
Wednesday, Nov. 21
Thanksgiving Recess: Residence Halls close at 9:00 a.m.
If you don’t leave by then, the CFs will have a nice dinner with you and then systematically deport you from your current residence.
Prepare Bible Study: The Dive 7:30 p.m.
The hardest part of reading the Bible is trying to figure out why Psalms has a “P.”
Thursday, Nov. 22
Fika!: Swedish House 9:00 p.m.
The Swedish don’t give a f@#$ about Thanksgiving.
Feit-sty Horoscope
Aries: Be thankful you aren’t in Turkey now. Every year around this time they are attacked by confused Americans.
Taurus: Your plan to get rich by writing Fifty Shades of the Hunger Games and the Sorcerer’s Stone just might work.
Gemini: Thanksgiving break is really an evil scheme drafted by diabolical professors trying to weaken their students’already waning motivation.
Cancer: The elections might be done, but every time I walk into the Campus Center, I still hear the echoes of“Vote No, Vote No, Vote No, Vote No. . . “
Leo: Ohio waits again in saddness as no one gives a s@#$ about them anymore.
Virgo: Everyone just seems too nervous to tell the Music Department that Christmas in Christ Chapel is actually closer to Thanksgiving.
Libra: Before buying my car, I read in a textbook that“Mercury is immortal.” My Sable, however, has an oil leak.
Scorpio: Why do the careers of the winners of American Idol always stay idle?
Sagittarius: Someone needs to tell polar bears about not wearing white after Labor Day.
Capricorn: Your piety for pie will be your downfall this week.
Aquarius: It’s okay to quit being a vegetarian when you go home. Everyone knows you fake it to impress your ultra-hipster friends.
Pisces: Some WNBA player must be tall enough to break the glass ceiling just by standing, right?