Dear antifeminists, this is what you sound like. Love, The Satirist
Once upon a time, feminists fought for voting rights, and later, for career and educational privileges for women. These entitlements dragged women from their beloved stoves, fulfilling housework and darling children. The feminist movement: a cause run by hairy, bra-burning women that forced liberal, anti-family and unwanted “rights” onto women.
The feminist movement was an unnecessary and ignoble battle. Said Golda Meir, Prime Minister of Israel, “Women’s liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It’s men who are discriminated against. They can’t bear children. And no one is likely to do anything about that.” The fight for feminine frivolity continues despite clear irrelevance. Christina Hoff Sommers stated in The American Spectator, “Women in this country have their freedom; they have achieved parity with men in most of the ways that count. Why not let the feminist movement fade from the scene? The sooner the better. Good riddance.” Sure, feminism granted both of these women the luxury of voicing their opinions, but beyond that it is obsolete and demeaning.
Feminism does not empower women; it does not change lives; it does not serve a purpose. Feminism does justify camouflage-clad lesbianism in the name of man-hating and home-wrecking. This crusade depicts everything vile in the world. Even children see the flaws in this arbitrary artillery. In The American Spectator, a 15-year-old articulates her perception of feminism: “When I hear the word, I think of the hippieish generation where they’re all ‘girl-power.’ And not in a sexy Spice Girls ‘girl power’ way, more in a humorless, style-less way.”
Opinions like this distress plaid clad, spike-haired feminazi mothers. Feminism transformed these women of the flower child generation. The meaningless militia fed women deceitful hopes: that they could have a family, a job and a miniskirt with no repercussions. Soon, they all filed whiny sexual harassment charges and demanded equal pay. Fortunately, patronizing laws and desensitized reactions squelched both battles. Not only do current policies reward men for their obvious superiority with hefty paychecks, but also allow them to demand duties of female doormats that may or may not be mentioned in the job description. All is right in the world.
Anti-family and less-than-lady-like ideals dictate the feminist movement. The cause granted women the “rights” to vote, work and speak. Soon, they wandered outside of the home leaving womanly duties undone and starving children motherless. Rebecca Hagelin, staff writer of The Washington Times, condemns feminist ambitions, such as full-time work schedules, fast food family meals and promiscuous sex practices. Feminism cracked Pandora’s box all over again, releasing “failed marriages, sexually transmitted diseases, abortion and skyrocketing rates of emotionally wounded children.”
Fortunately, there are still a few maternal home-wives with an education and the right to speak. Writers Ann Coulter and Phyllis Schlafly, add to the list of curses, such as, “eligible bachelor shortages, shriveled ovaries and the dangers of day care.” Feminism’s focus on foolishness created every modern day peril.
Fight feminist flames with dishrags and maternity clothes. Women’s “rights” must be redefined. Ambitions, success, pants—these do not privileges make. Only while scrubbing floors, while nourishing children, while pleasing husbands is a woman truly fulfilled.