Have you ever been single? Have you ever been stuck in the presence of two romantically involved individuals? Did this situation make you feel uncomfortable or slightly awkward? Do you enjoy answering rhetorical questions? If you answered yes to the first three, you’ve been what’s colloquially known as a third wheel.
The process leading up to the position of “third wheel” usually goes something like this: you’re invited to restaurant or movie with a group of friends, which initially sounds like a lot of fun—however, due to unforeseen circumstances, everyone else drops out until it’s just you and a couple. In theory, this wouldn’t be so bad, assuming you know the other two people relatively well. I mean, you’re all friends, right? Wrong. You quickly realize that your fellow lovebirds are in closer proximity than they really need to be, use unnecessary terms of endearment and bring up conversational topics that have no relevance to you. The worst part is that the twosome is often oblivious to your feelings of discomfort. In the end, what was supposed to be a social event has turned into an intimate romantic evening—plus you, the third wheel.
Granted, being a third wheel in public is quite bearable—entertaining, even. Yet in private settings like home basements or dorm rooms, it’s a totally different story. In the absence of frowning old ladies, couples have no shame in expressing their affection. It starts out innocently enough, as simple pecks to the cheek or foot massages. But for lovers without restraint, the canoodling soon escalates into a show the third wheel never wanted to see—unless the third wheel never had any sex education; then it would be somewhat informative.
For the record, the condition of third wheel is really a subset of the odd-number-wheel family. A fifth wheel is a person who finds him or herself accompanying a double date. I should add that this also doubles the awkwardness, since the solitary individual is either ignored or becomes the focus of pity from the two couples. Beyond fifth wheels, there exist seventh wheels and ninth wheels.
fter that, the whole wheel system becomes largely irrelevant; It’s assumed the nth wheel has hooked up with someone by this point. In case you were wondering, I deliberately skipped the first wheel because that refers to a unicycle, which is pretty awesome in its own right.
Regardless, third wheels are by far the most common odd-wheel and therefore deserve special attention. It’s no coincidence that third wheels are entrenched in the media. Countless films and TV shows revolve around the hilarity and misfortunes that third wheels endure. Take The Office for example.
The series centers on Michael Scott, the boss and perpetual third wheel at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. No matter how hard Michael tries to remain the center of attention, he’s always shafted by romances between Jim and Pam, Dwight and Angela and Oscar and Andy (well, not yet, but you know it’s coming). Many other sitcoms feature a similar premise, but my hatred of laugh tracks prevents me from watching them.
The great films of our time are also filled with third wheels. In Pirates of the Caribbean, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann leave Jack Sparrow in the dust. In Star Wars, Han Solo is initially the third wheel until the incestuous plot twist between Luke and Leia is revealed, at which point Luke becomes the odd man out. In Lord of the Rings, Gimli is constantly tagging behind the bromance between Aragorn and Legolas. The list goes on.
Given the ubiquity of the third wheel, I question whether it’s really a bad thing. Sure, it’s awkward and sometimes unwanted, but every now and then third wheels are needed for comic relief or insight. That’s why I believe being a third wheel is more of an art form than an inconvenience. It takes practice and patience to be a good third wheel—to say the right things at the right time (and to look away at the right time as well). The goal is to seek an equilibrium where the boundaries of boyfriend and girlfriend break down so that, in the end, it’s just three friends having a great time.
The advantage of being a third wheel is that there’s really no pressure on you to do anything; you can simply sit back and observe all the quirks of those in love. In essence, you have a front row seat to the inner workings of romance: the cute things couples do for each other, and the foolish mistakes they make together. So remember, next time you’re thrust into the position of third wheel, you get the last laugh.